So, why me?

I don't think that I have really asked the question, "Why me?"  Maybe I have in the beginning, but I can't really remember.  But it's a valid question.  The only answer I can come with is, why not?  People get sick.  It's not a punishment, just a fact of life.  Sometimes I think that I face challenges to help other people somehow.  This is definitely a life-changing experience and I am trying to come away from it a better person.

Believe me, if I could turn back time and choose to not have Hodgkins, I would.  But, I am using this as an opportunity to do things that I did not have time to do.  Because my mind is not occupied with work, I come up with all sorts of ideas.  Steve says I have the "third eye."  The best thing that I have learned to do is crochet.  I have always wanted to learn how.  Patricia taught me how along with a lady from her office.  Now I am crocheting all the time.  It's the perfect hobby for days when I am too tired to get off the couch.  Of course, I have more time to read.  And, I actually wrote a children's book.  Now I just have to look into getting it published.

The effects of the medication has given me a new perspective of the children that I teach.  Sometimes, my short term memory is very bad after chemo.  I will try to recall the name of something and I can't.  The harder I try, the more my mind shuts down.  This must be how it feels to have a learning disability.  So many times my students are in this same situation, and now I can really understand how hard it is for them.  The prednisone makes me hyper sometimes.  I feel like I have ADD.  I go from one task to another without completing any, and the littlest things distract me.  This is SO unlike me.  I have had the unique opportunity to walk in my students' shoes.  And I am lucky to know that it is not permanent for me.  I wonder how this new understanding will effect my teaching.  I have always been a patient person.  I am sure I will be even more so now.

In the beginning I spent a lot of time thinking about all the things that I could not do because of Hodgkin's and my treatment.  Now I think about all the possibilities that this time has given me.  So instead of wondering "why me?" I am trying to consider this time as a rare gift.  It's a time to learn new things, regroup, and come back better and stronger.