I made it!

Yesterday was my last chemotherapy treatment.  Everything went well-no fevers.  I don't have to go back to Sloan until Halloween when I will have another CT scan.  Then I will see my doctor later that week and if the scan is good he won't need to see me for three months!  He said we can't celebrate until after the scan.  But I'm still happy because I can't believe I made it through 8 cycles of chemotherapy!  I also had a transfusion yesterday which is great because I will have plenty of energy for the Light the Night Walk this Saturday.  So now it's a waiting game and I have no reason not to believe that it will all be good news.  So while we are not blowing up balloons and tooting the horns yet, we can at least take a deep breath for now!

Light the Night Walk

I will be walking in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's "Light the Night Walk" to raise funds to fight cancer on October 1.  Here is my home page if anyone wishes to sponser me:  www.active.com/donate/ItnWestfi/Jackiepie

No donation is too small!!

You Can't Lose Your Baby Hair

Most people are very nice, and don't ask me if I have lost my hair from chemotherapy.  I don't mind telling anyone that I did lose my hair.  Not all chemotherapy medications cause hair loss, but mine does.  When I first began treatments, my nurse told me that  my hair would begin to fall out in two weeks.  And sure enough, it started to fall out exactly when she said it would.  I was in the hospital when I woke up one morning and saw all this hair on my pillow.  Funny story-I don't curse and never say f---.  When I told Andrea that I woke up with hair on my pillow she asked if I said f---.  I told her that I didn't.  She couldn't believe that wouldn't make me curse.  Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, when you have a life threatening illness hair loss should not be considered a major thing.  But it is.  I was so devastated.  I have always loved my hair.  I have a lot of thick dark brown hair and I wear it short.  When I would take a shower, it would just come out in clumps.  I would cry and cry.  Steve would wait for me to come out and look for me because I was afaid to look in the mirror.  He would give me the report.  But because I had so much hair, it took quite a few days for the hair loss to show.  But it did begin to show, and  after week, I was bald.  But, I do have a covering of wispy hair.  Steve has this theory-you can't lose your baby hair.  Being of Italian descent, I was naturally born with hair.  Right now, I have less hair than I did as a baby.  But Steve says that is because my head is bigger, and my baby hair is spread out on my adult head!  I just think that is a cute story.

Before I even began chemotherapy, Patricia found a wig place that specializes in cancer patients.  I went there so that they could see and match my hair.  The wig was ordered, and Alexis, the owner, cut it right on my head.  It is a fantastic wig, and people who have known me for years have said-it's great that you haven't lost your hair.  I always like to shock them by telling them that I am bald.  It's a fun thing to do.  I didn't get the wig because I don't want people to know that I am bald.  I have it to feel normal and look like myself.  When I first began to lose hair I swore that I would wear it everyday.  But as I got used to myself, I started to wear other things at home-like caps and bandanas.  I always wear my wig out, and very few people have seen me without it.  My chemo only makes the hair on your head fall out.  But, if you shave hair or if it falls out naturally, it doesn't grow back until chemotherapy is over.  I was not supposed to lose eye brows or lashes at all, but because it is almost 6 months of treatment now, and they fall out on their own, I now have a lot less of them.  But I am very good with make-up so people don't notice.  If there is anyone reading in the north Jersey area who is interested in getting a great wig, I went to Alexis' Wiggery in Ridgewood.  Alexis is very knowledgable and talented and I highly recommend her.

Steve being the wonderful husband that he is, has always been so matter of fact about my bald head.  It did not freak him out at all, as it did me.  The nice thing is that he loves to rub my head, which is very soothing.  His nickname for me head is coconut because that is what it looks like!  So I now have a sense of humor about being bald.  I can make jokes about it.  And there are perks as well.  Showers are a lot quicker because I don't have to shave my legs or arm pits.  I don't have to blow dry my hair.  And now I have a great wig, so when my  hair grows back I can use it on bad hair days!  They say it will take 2 to 4 months for my hair to grow back.  Given my Italian genes and the fact that I wear my hair short, I am betting that I will be wigless by two months after treatment. 

ADD

Today I am having a BIG ADD day.  I decided to write about it because I think that anyone dealing with a child with ADD needs to hear this.  Normally, I am extremely calm and focused, I always complete any task I begin.  So, I am facinated by how I feel on days like this.  Here is how today is going.

I planned on doing a lot of cleaning today (I do like to clean).  But then I saw the crochet project that I started yesterday and I wanted to do that for a little bit.  To my credit, I did finish it.  But while I was doing it, all these great ideas for other projects came to mind.  So, I had to start another project.  Did I finish it?  No.  I stopped, started the laundry, then went back to it.  All the while, time is passing I keep forgetting to eat lunch (even though I am thin, I never forget to eat).  Then I stopped to do more laundry and said to myself-you must eat now.  While eating I was distracted by a Halloween magazine that I had bought.  So now I am eating and reading about all these great Halloween ideas.  But I don't even read through everything because it so laborous in this state!  Now I needed to go to the computer to look for Halloween costumes for my God daughter, Hailey.  I start this task, only to be overwhelmed by the number of costume websites and choices (again not at all like me).  The more overwhelmed I become, the faster I try to go and I can't keep up with my mind which is now racing.  As a matter of fact, my fingers are having a hard time keeping up with my mind right now which makes it hard to type.  So, I abort this project because I'm just not getting a good feeling from it.  I went back a did a little more crocheting, went back to the computer, did more laundry, and took a shower.  Now I am ready to go to 5:30 mass and I am just wondering how I will be able to calm myself and sit trough it.  But I am an adult, I know the rules, so I will behave!

My point is this:  Imagine being a child with a mind that is racing around.  The adults around you are trying to make you complete tasks and it feels like torture to you.  You can't keep up with your thoughts and you are overwhelmed.  I am lucky because if I didn't get to mycleaning today, so what?  It will be there tomorrow, no pressure.  When you are dealing with kids with ADD, you have to give them short tasks and change it up for them often.  That's it for now.

Missing School

This week, school is back in session.  I've been a little mopey these last couple of days because I wish I could be there.  I have a very nice substitute who I am in communication with.  She is taking a lot of my suggestions.  But being the control freak that I am, it is hard to think about someone else doing my job.  Especially when I think of how important my job is.  The class sounds like a cute bunch.  There are 13 students mostly 5 years old.  That is my favorite age to teach.  Andrea says that I shouldn't be upset because there will be many more first days of school.  Chris says that once I'm back at work I will have wished I had taken the whole year off.  I hope not.  But who knows, only time will tell.  I just have to keep my mind busy with other things until my return, which should not be too far away.

Today was my nephew Peter's first day of school.  Reports are that he went on the bus then into school like a champ!  Of course, we knew he would, he is very independent and not shy at all.  That's our guy!

Last PET Scan Results

Last Tuesday, I saw my doctor and discussed the results of the PET scan I had after cycle 6.  It is basically the same as the one I took after cycle 4.  He had said after cycle 4 that if he read this scan after cycle 8, I would be finished.  So, everything is very good and he kept saying, "I am very happy."  As it stands now, I will complete these last two cycles at the same strength because I am tolerating it so well.  He does not need to do another PET scan after cycle 8.  Six weeks after my last chemotherapy treatment, he will do a CT scan.  If all is well, I won't have to see him for another 3 months.  He believes that I will not need any radiation.  

 I wrote after my last PET scan that they saw a nodule on my thyroid.  The ultrasound showed that it is definitely there.  My doctor believes that it is probably a benign tumor that I have had for many years, and not brought on by treatment.  Something did show up there on my first scan in April, but the radiologist thought it might be a lymph node.  So, it was probably this nodule that they saw.  After I am finished with the chemo, he will refer me to an ENT who will look into the nodule and make sure it is benign.  I read about this on the internet, and many adults have them and 90% of the time they are benign.  I am not worried, and if it is something I will deal with it.  

A couple of days before going to see my doctor for the results I was walking in my garden.  I always look at those two poor little rose bushes that have no roses.  They looked quite sad and bare.  A day or so later when Steve came home from work, he asked if I had seen that there was a beautiful lavender rose on one of the bushes.  This was the night before going to see the doctor so I knew everything was going to be OK.  Thanks again St. Therese!  

So, this news is good, and the end is in sight!!  Thank you all again for your prayers and support!