So, why me?

I don't think that I have really asked the question, "Why me?"  Maybe I have in the beginning, but I can't really remember.  But it's a valid question.  The only answer I can come with is, why not?  People get sick.  It's not a punishment, just a fact of life.  Sometimes I think that I face challenges to help other people somehow.  This is definitely a life-changing experience and I am trying to come away from it a better person.

Believe me, if I could turn back time and choose to not have Hodgkins, I would.  But, I am using this as an opportunity to do things that I did not have time to do.  Because my mind is not occupied with work, I come up with all sorts of ideas.  Steve says I have the "third eye."  The best thing that I have learned to do is crochet.  I have always wanted to learn how.  Patricia taught me how along with a lady from her office.  Now I am crocheting all the time.  It's the perfect hobby for days when I am too tired to get off the couch.  Of course, I have more time to read.  And, I actually wrote a children's book.  Now I just have to look into getting it published.

The effects of the medication has given me a new perspective of the children that I teach.  Sometimes, my short term memory is very bad after chemo.  I will try to recall the name of something and I can't.  The harder I try, the more my mind shuts down.  This must be how it feels to have a learning disability.  So many times my students are in this same situation, and now I can really understand how hard it is for them.  The prednisone makes me hyper sometimes.  I feel like I have ADD.  I go from one task to another without completing any, and the littlest things distract me.  This is SO unlike me.  I have had the unique opportunity to walk in my students' shoes.  And I am lucky to know that it is not permanent for me.  I wonder how this new understanding will effect my teaching.  I have always been a patient person.  I am sure I will be even more so now.

In the beginning I spent a lot of time thinking about all the things that I could not do because of Hodgkin's and my treatment.  Now I think about all the possibilities that this time has given me.  So instead of wondering "why me?" I am trying to consider this time as a rare gift.  It's a time to learn new things, regroup, and come back better and stronger.

I am loved:)

I live a quiet life.  I've always been a quiet and shy kind of person who had a few close friends rather than large groups of friends.  So it was pretty amazing to see how many people reached out to me from different stages of my life from childhood to present.  I know I have the best family and friends.  I know that I have touched many lives along the way.  But I never had the time to stop and think about it.  And I guess I never realized how many people cared.  Having Hodgkin's has given me a chance to see all this-it is much like being George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life".  I can't believe how many people have found out about me directly and "through the grapevine" and have reached out through cards, phone calls, and emails.  People that I haven't seen in years have contacted me.  Friends from work and church sent so many cards and gifts, it was truely too generous.  And my family and closest friends treat me like a fragile piece of china so that I don't do anything that may get me sick and delay my treatment.  (They are really spoiling me!)  All these things are what help me carry on and get better.

My very first chemotherapy treatment, my nurse Tikki and I were talking.  Steve and Andrea were there, of course.  I explained how my sisters and Steve were handling everything.  I told her that Andrea was sleeping over that night in case of anything.  I told her that my best friend, Chris, was putting her daughter in daycare the next day to stay with me while Steve went to work to be with me after my first treatment.  After telling her all this she said, "You are well loved!"  I smiled and said, "I know."