Driver's License

Four years ago, I was a bit upset because the time to renew my license came right in the middle of my treatment. That morning, I put on a lot of extra make-up, took special care in fixing my wig, and hoped that I would look healthy in the photo that I would be stuck with for the next fours years. I was satisfied with the picture...I didn't look too bad with my "chipmunk" face. I remember thinking that I can't wait until the next time I renew my license so that I can have a healthy picture of myself. Today, I am going to motor vehicle to do so. It is amazing to me that four years ago seems like eons ago, yet it went so fast all at the same time. Yay, I get to have a healthy picture of me on my license. Yet, I will save the old one to remind me of how far I've come.
Yesterday, a friend asked me if after four years do I ever forget or take for granted what I have been through. I told her that when life seems to get out of hand, I read my journal to put things back into perspective.

Doctor Appointment-4-14-09

Yesterday, I had my 9 month CT scan and visit with my lymphoma doctor. All was well, and my scans are stable. He wants to see me 6 months from now for blood work & a check up. And he said that my next CT scan will be in one (yes 1) year from now! It is very exciting and I was not expecting that news since I only just moved to scans 9 months apart.
He said I will have one next year, then another the following year, then that will likely be my last one. I really didn't expect that and while I am happy to know that he feels I won't always need to be CT scanned, it also makes me a bit nervous. Yes, I am happy but those of us who have had cancer jump for joy with caution. Three & a half years post treatment, I do not worry like I did in the beginning, but CT scans are like a security blanket for me. But I do know that my doctor is a cautious man (sometimes overly cautious) and if he feels this way, I need to trust his judgement. And that last scan is two years from now, and I may be ready to let go of that security blanket by then.

I WALK IN THANKSGIVING

A few weeks ago, I went to a dinner at my church where they were honoring members who have made a difference in our parish community. One of the honorees was Sister Ann Sweeny who passed away this year after a long battle with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. She had written a poem thanking all who had touched her life. I did not know this great lady that well. I always said "hello" and "how are you" in church. But this poem touched me deeply and I think it is perfect to share on Thanksgiving Day. Remember as you read, that these are the words of a woman who knows she is dying. I hope this inspires everyone to always walk in thanksgiving and joy.

I WALK IN THANKSGIVING...

for friendship and insight and the gift of prayer...

for windy nights and sunlit waves...

for the splendor of Autumn on rocky peaks,

gold on green and flame against blue,

for music and balloons and the song of the world...

for the intensity of life, for challenge and delight...AND

BECAUSE I WALK IN THANKSGIVING, I WALK IN JOY.

I WALK IN THANKSGIVING...

for life that comes not as a whole but in pieces called people,

for tenderness and strength, for gentleness and warmth,

for weakness and pain, for anguish and ambiguity,

for laughter and courage and the gift of friends,

for the risk of life and the risk of God...AND

BECAUSE I WALK IN THANKSGIVING, I WALK IN JOY.

I WALK IN THANKSGIVING...

for faith and hope and joy and love and YOU,

and because I walk in Thanksgiving, I walk with God

because I have been allowed to walk with all of you,

in what I call a search...

a search for fulfillment, dedication and

giving to me that will pen the

GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD....

My love and gratitude to you.

Ann Sweeny, O.P.

Doctor's Appointment-11/08

I went to see my oncologist today for blood work and to get my flu shot. Back in August, my platelets which are usually low dropped even lower. So, he wanted me back to check to make sure everything was OK. They went up to 114 which is well below normal, but is where I usually am. He was happy with that and he said again that he is not worried about me anymore. :) My next CT scan is in April (on Steve's birthday) which is 9 months from my last scan. So I have "graduated" from CT scans 6 months apart to 9 months apart. Yay!

Happy Halloween!

We celebrated another great Halloween this year. Fun was had by all. Here are some pictures.

Light the Night Walk

Last week was the Light the Night Walk. It was a wonderful night and I had a great time. This year, I was given a tent to set up "Camp Jackiepie" because we raised so much money. They added a survivor's ceremony where they had all the survivors come up on stage to be acknowledged. It was very moving as always. Together as a team we have raised over $20,000 for cancer research! Thanks to all who have donated so generously and special thanks to family and friends who helped me to double my goal!

The Big Move

Hi everyone!
I have been informed that AOL is shutting down it's journal services. They partnered with Blogger.com to transfer our journals, which I have done. I think this is a good move. I like the new journal and I hope that more people will subscribe to it and that it will be easier to navigate to older posts.
Jack

Endocrinologist Appointment

This past Friday, I saw my endocrinologist at MSKCC.  She said that my ultrasound is perfect and felt nothing in my neck.  My thyroid hormone is a little low and they prefer it to be a little bit on the high side.  So she increased my thyroid hormone pills to seven days a week instead of six.

Doctor's Appointment-8/08

Last week, I had another CT scan.  Yesterday, I saw my oncologist and had a bone density test.  He said that my scans are good and that my next scan would be in 9 months instead of 6 months.  Then he took a look at my blood work and my platelets dropped even lower than they usually are.  I had been on antibiotics recently and he said that is probably why they dropped.  But to be on the safe side, he wants to see me in November for blood work again and to give me the flu shot.  Then he'll decide when my next CT scan is.  But he is not concerned because my scans are good.

The results of the bone density test show that I have osteopenia which is better than osteoporosis.  So, all that I need to do is take calcium and vitamin D supplements.  I had been doing so already, but now I need to take more than I had been taking.  That is good, and I am happy that I don't need medication for osteoporosis.

I am still feeling great.  I am enjoying my summer and having lots of fun.

Light the Night Walk-2008!

Hi everyone!

I have begun my fundraising for this year's Light the Night Walk.  This year the walk is October 4th in Brookdale Park.   Please use the link to visit my donation page.  If you would like to send a check, email me and I will tell you how.

Thanks!

http://www.active.com/donate/ltnWestfi/Jackiepie08

So True

Usually we figure out what we think would make us happy, and then try to make those things happen. But happiness isn't circumstance-dependent. There are people who have every reason in the world to be happy who aren't. There are people with genuine problems who are. The key to happiness is the decision to be happy. —Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

"The Path Out of Negativity"

Here I am again with another message from the author of the secret.  I've told many people that the reason I love the book is because the messages it contains are exactly what I came to learn while I was in treatment.  I believe that this is one of the most important messages in the book.  If you look back through my journal entries, you can see how I, myself, came to the realization that there is always a choice in how we view change and that makes all the difference.  Many people do not understand this and say that change can not be ignored and "happy thoughts" won't help in times of trouble.  That is not what this is about.  Of course, there are times when action needs to be taken, but getting upset and resisting the inevitable will only make things worse.  Acceptance and positive action are what will turn an unpleasant situation into a positive one.  Read on.

A Secret Scrolls message from Rhonda Byrne
Creator of The Secret

Did you know that if your life was not changing, you would not exist? 

Our Universe and everything in it is continually changing, because our Universe is made of energy. Energy can only exist if it is in motion and changing. If energy stopped being in motion, our entire Universe and all Life would vanish. Our lives are also energy, and therefore they too must always be in motion and continue to change. You cannot stop the motion and change in your life, and nor would you want to. The changing nature of energy gives us Life. It causes Life to grow and causes us to grow.   

And yet when there is a big change of energy which affects our lives, we often label it as bad, and cause ourselves sorrow, pain, and suffering  by resisting the change. But you always have a choice. In the Universe there is never just one way. You are never trapped with no way out, no matter what has occurred. There are two paths available to you in every circumstance and moment in your life. The two paths are the positive and the negative, and YOU are the one who chooses which path you will take. 

You have the power to transform negative change into positive, but you cannot do it by resisting the change. Resisting the change is focusing on the negative and it is choosing the negative path, which brings with it even more negativity, more pain, and misery.  

To transform the negative into positive, you must choose the positive path and command that this changing energy transforms into millions of blessings that pour down on you and everyone involved. Command the changing energy to bring unlimited good and positivity. Know and believe in your heart that as you command it, it must be done.   

And then the day will come in the not too distant future, when you will look back and see all the blessings that you brought into this world through you and change. 

Skin Cancer Screening

Yesterday, I had a skin cancer screening at MSKCC in Basking Ridge.  There is this mole on my stomach that I've had since childhood.  My oncologist once remarked that I should have a dermatologist look at it.  Sloan Kettering was giving free skin cancer screenings this month because May is "Skin Cancer Awareness Month."  Well, the doctor checked me out and said that I am fine.  This mole and one other do not need to be biopsied, but that I should have annual screenings because they could potentially develop into something.  So, I am happy.

I was given an informational packet about skin cancer.  I'm sure everyone knows that we should wear sunscreen at all times (a minimum of SPF 30).  The doctor who examined me did a study and found these two sunscreens offer the best protection from both UVA & UVB rays :

Neutrogena Helioplex and Coppertone Ultraguard

And he also said that sunless tanners are safe if you want that "healthy glow."  My personal favorite is Dove Energy Glow.

Wow!

I did not plan on writing a journal entry today, but as soon as I saw this, I had to write.  Let me explain.

Three years ago today, I had my first chemotherapy treatment (coincidentally this was my dog, Pretzel's birthday which makes it very easy to remember the date).  Well, I receive the daily inspirational messages from St. Therese's website.  Here is today's message:

I am not dying, I am entering into Life...
                                                                St. Therese

How weird is it that this message comes to me on the anniversary of my first chemo treatment?  I haven't written about it, but I absolutely consider life after cancer a "new life" not to mention a better life in all ways, and this is the day it began for me.  This only verifies what I believe.  I think this was so cool-thank you, God!

April 15th doctor's appointment

This past Tuesday I went to MSKCC to see my lymphoma doctor.  I am happy, to say the least!

 

Diagnosing Hodgkin’s lymphoma:

            Multiple x-rays

            blood work

            1 gallium scan

            1 CT scan

            1 broncoscopy

            1 lung biopsy

           

          

Treating Hodgkin’s lymphoma:

            2 bone marrow biopsies

            6 months of intense chemo

            several PET & CT scans

            10+ blood transfusions

            2 hospital stays

            having next to no immune system          

            losing my hair

            missing 10 months of work

 

Hearing your doctor tell you 2 ½ years post-treatment- “I’m not worried about you anymore.  If something terrible was going to happened it would have happened already.”:

            PRICELESS!! 

Happy Easter~

All I need to know in life...
     I learned from the Easter Bunny!

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Keep your paws off of other people's jelly beans.
Good things come in small, sugar coated packages.
To show your true colors, you have to come out of  your  shell.

     May the joy of the Lord's resurrection fill your heart!

     Happy Easter!

Catching Up

These pictures from 2007 added to post on 10/9/08.

I have not written in my journal for a while and so I need to catch up on general news.

First, I will back-track to October. I walked in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light the Night Walk for the third year. Team Jackiepie continues to grow larger-I had about 25 of my closest family and friends walk this year. It was a blast! There was a lot of food, fun, and entertainment. The ceremony was as moving as ever and I'm so proud to wear my "Survivor" shirt, what a wonderful celebration. The best part is that we raised a little over $9,800 dollars for cancer research! The awards brunch was held in January. Team Jackiepie just missed being a top fundraising team this year, but it's OK-we'll do it next year! Next year's walk will be October 4th in Brookdale Park. I hope Team Jackiepie continues to grow.

The end of January, I had a CT scan. This time, I did not see my oncologist. Steve spoke with him on the phone and he said that everything looks good. So, that is great news. I will see my doctor in April for blood work and a check-up. The great thing is that I knew everything would be OK because I'm feeling so great. I've been eating well, exercising, and taking my vitamins. I have stayed healthy all winter (even among my "germy kids"). I attribute this to my healthy lifestyle and the use of my netti pot. (For those of you who don't know, a netti pot is used for nasal irrigation-it is an ancient Indian practice.) So, that is really all the news I have for now. I wanted to add some pictures to this entry, but AOL is not cooperating. I will try to add some in the future.

Happy New Year

I would like to wish everyone a very happy new year full of blessings and all things good! 

2007 was a very good year and I have much to be thankful for.  In the area of my health, this year I was given great reports from my doctor, the side effects from the chemo came to an end,  I feel GREAT and I am free of all pain.  My family & friends are well, I still love going to work, and life is good.  I look forward to a great 2008!!  May all of our dreams come true!

An email from a friend

When I was hospitalized for neutropenic fever after my first treatment, I was feeling really down because the road ahead seemed so long and terrible.  The morning after I was admitted, I met two sisters while waiting to be picked up from x-ray.  Mary was there visiting her sister Rose who was there to have a stem cell transplant.  They saw how down I was and were very kind to me.  We soon became friends and would hang out in the recreation room.  Thank God, Rose is doing well two years later.  Mary never fails to keep in touch with me to ask how I am and give me updates on Rose.  Here is an email she recently sent to me.

Greetings Jackie, you have been so much on my mind lately ( and more often than you know), hoping all in well in your world, and that you continue to get stronger and stronger with each passing season.  Rose is doing very well -- progressing to the point of getting vaccinations!!  Though as you know the new you is well just a different you.  We speak of you often and I always tell Rose of your updates and your progress. This is a special time of year for you and your family, so here's just a small note to let you know we still have you in our hearts.  A wonderful holiday to you and those you love.  Maybe someday we will have the same checkup day A MSKCC>  As always, the best of thoughts coming at you and of course Steve.  Remember     Mary

I wanted to share this because it reminds me of all the good things that came out of being sick.  The best of all is the friends I've made and have kept to this day.  So remember, every experience, even the though ones, can produce good things.  You just have tochange your way of thinking and they will be easy to find.

Journal Poll

OK everyone.  I've been wanting to do a poll ever since it became a feature of the blog.  I'm always curious about how many people read my journal and what they get out of it.  Don't worry, if it turns out that not many people read it, I won't be offended.  This journal is written as much for me as for all of you, so I plan to continue it.  There are five quick questions for you to answer.  Please play along and have fun.

Jack :)

 

 

 

 

 

That's it.  Check back to see the results!  And feel free to add comments below.